


long story short

by patroclusstars



Series: evermore x deancas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Castiel Has Feelings for Dean Winchester, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Castiel (Supernatural), Light Angst, Lyric fic, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sam Winchester is a Good Bro, Soft Dean Winchester, Song fic, Swearing, as usual, based on long story short by taylor swift, hes just an annoying younger brother, just guys being bros, no beta we die like men, u should know the drill by now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:28:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28723614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patroclusstars/pseuds/patroclusstars
Summary: I always felt I must look better in the rear viewMissing meAt the golden gates they once held the keys toEver since he began falling, probably even earlier than that-- the first time he felt something, and couldn’t stop since-- he began to wonder if he was enough. Sure, he was a seraph at the very least, and an Angel of the Lord at his peak, but who was he compared to Sam and Dean?or; long story short by taylor swift
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: evermore x deancas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2055471
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	long story short

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wasn't going to write another fic but someone commented on the last fic so i thought i'd write more!! it's kinda short but enjoy more of cas' thoughts
> 
> serenala if you're reading this, this is for you!! <3

And I fell from the pedestal  
Right down the rabbit hole  
Long story short, it was a bad time

From the moment he met Dean Winchester Castiel was doomed to fall. He was once one of Heaven’s most loyal angels, but the human changed him. Everyone saw it, every angel knew the effect Dean had on their brother in arms. He wasn’t very popular with the Garrison, before or after he slaughtered half of their numbers.

Cas went from a loyal soldier who followed orders mindlessly, to the only being in the universe, in every universe, that had free will.

Of course, that didn’t come without challenges. Dying over and over and over again, being tortured and cut off from his power, spending over a year in purgatory, losing his memories; every obstacle he faced shaped his decisions and his future.

Pushed from the precipice  
Clung to the nearest lips  
Long story short, it was the wrong guy

With both metaphorical and literal “lips” Cas oftentimes made the wrong decisions. Something Dean never failed to yell at him for.

Crowley. Metatron. Lucifer. Could he ever do anything right in Dean’s eyes?

Even his Relationships with a capital “R” seemed to come back to bite him in the ass. Whatever went on with Meg, while it wasn’t a relationship, per se, was still such an awkward position for an Angel of the Lord to be in with a demon. Well, was he an angel at that point? Debatable. But she died because of him, and he felt bad about it. Imagine that! An angel caring about a demon.

The first woman he slept with turned out to be a reaper intent on his destruction, so, that was an adventure. 

Hannah was one of his closest (and only) friends, who later turned on him, trying to convince him to kill Dean! Naturally, as all of his friendships go, she died helping him.

Then there was Daphne Allen. ‘Technically, aren’t we still married?’ Cas thought one day. Was Emmanuel technically Castiel? Or Jimmy? Some weird mix of the two? How did that work with angels? 'Am I committing sacrilege of some sort by being married to two people at once?’ 

Ah yes, who could forget about the Djinn Queen! Nearly everyone, apparently. And for good reason.

It was like every decision he made was the absolute worst possible one to make. He used to be angry about it, sitting in the back of the Impala, fuming because he was set to a higher set of standards than his humans. When he fucked up he fucked up badly, usually ending in a yelling match between him and Dean, with Sam trying desperately to avoid taking a side, ignoring the icy glares directed toward him.

Actually  
I always felt I must look better in the rear view  
Missing me  
At the golden gates they once held the keys to

Ever since he began falling, probably even earlier than that-- the first time he felt something, and couldn’t stop since-- he began to wonder if he was enough. Sure, he was a seraph at the very least, and an Angel of the Lord at his peak, but who was he compared to Sam and Dean?

He couldn’t help them hunt, he’d been told on multiple occasions that he just got in the way, he couldn’t protect them from the things that wanted to kill them, on a bad day he wasn’t even able to heal their wounds! And it wasn't like the Winchesters were known for their emotions.

Cas wasn't even fully convinced they cared about him beyond his powers.

Who was he if not an Angel? Who was he without orders?

He tried the whole God thing, didn’t really work out. At least before that he was still able to talk to his siblings without them attacking him first. Then he was just a human, or “Steve.” No grace, no Garrison to back him up, no family, no home, no nothing.

He wasn’t even allowed into Heaven without a chaperone. Was even kicked out of the Bunker. 'Dean had a decent reason,' he supposed.

But every time Dean wrapped him in one of his tight hugs… or Sam patted him on the back with a giant grin saying, “I’m glad you’re back!” and complaining about all the annoying things his brother did while Cas was gone, he allowed himself to believe. Believe ‘just Cas’ was enough for them.

No more keepin' score  
Now I just keep you warm  
No more tug of war  
Now I just know there's more

Knowing Dean Winchester fundamentally changed him. That was a known fact, he would argue it every day of his life if he needed to. But it wasn’t just Dean.

He loved Sam, because of Dean. Charlie. Bobby and Mary and Kevin. Jack. Because of Dean he was able to love. He was able to find his family. A family that, for the most part, didn’t try to kill him.

Looking across the table during a game night he thought about his future, not for the first time. He didn’t want to be known as a soldier or a warrior. He didn’t want to be that anymore. There was finally something other than what he had known all of his billions of years alive. Freedom. Free will to do whatever pleased him. 

Cas wanted a life.

Long story short, I survived  
Now I’m all about you

Cas looked at Dean, who fell asleep on the couch in the ‘Deancave’ in the middle of one of the Stars Wars movies. Cas wasn’t sure which one. He looked so peaceful when he slept, all the worry and fear melted off of his face. He looked like the man he could have been, if his life had been easier. If he didn't have the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Cas smiled, then pulled a blanket over his- friend. His friend.

But was he just a friend? Cas didn’t think so. He fell for Dean in every single meaning of the word. And he would do it over and over again if it meant he could stay with him, in whatever capacity Dean allowed. If he could share some of his burden, even just for a moment.

**Author's Note:**

> please comment feedback and ur thoughts and all that :)


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